1
00:00:09,517 --> 00:00:09,655
Are you ready, kids?

2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:11,137
KIDS:
Aye, aye, Captain!

3
00:00:12,517 --> 00:00:12,655
I can't hear you.

4
00:00:14,206 --> 00:00:14,344
[ louder]:
Aye, aye, Captain!

5
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:15,931
♪ Oh...

6
00:00:19,137 --> 00:00:19,275
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

7
00:00:21,068 --> 00:00:21,206
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

8
00:00:23,172 --> 00:00:23,310
♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he. ♪

9
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:25,517
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

10
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:27,379
♪ If nautical nonsense be
something you wish... ♪

11
00:00:29,172 --> 00:00:29,310
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

12
00:00:31,034 --> 00:00:31,172
♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish. ♪

13
00:00:33,206 --> 00:00:33,344
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

14
00:00:35,172 --> 00:00:35,310
♪ Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

15
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:37,103
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

16
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,103
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

17
00:00:41,310 --> 00:00:41,448
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

18
00:00:43,413 --> 00:00:43,551
[ laughs heartily]

19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:47,137
[ plays airy tune]

20
00:00:48,724 --> 00:00:48,862
Captioning sponsored
by MTV NETWORKS

21
00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:05,517
[ rumbling]

22
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:08,206
Here they come, lads!

23
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:09,482
Hooray!

24
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:11,137
[ flatly]:
Fantastic.

25
00:01:12,620 --> 00:01:12,758
[ crowd exclaiming]

26
00:01:14,689 --> 00:01:14,827
Thank you very much, madam.

27
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:16,172
[ cash register jingling]

28
00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:21,000
I feel so alive!

29
00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:24,448
♪ Cha-ching, cha-ching,
cha-chingaree ♪

30
00:01:27,344 --> 00:01:27,482
♪ Money, oh, money,
how I love thee ♪

31
00:01:30,344 --> 00:01:30,482
♪ Cha-ching, cha-chong,
cha-changaroo ♪

32
00:01:33,137 --> 00:01:33,275
♪ From pennies to dollars
any amount'll do ♪

33
00:01:36,551 --> 00:01:36,689
♪ Cha-ching, cha-ching,
it's no contest ♪

34
00:01:39,827 --> 00:01:39,965
♪ There's only one thing
that I love the best ♪

35
00:01:42,896 --> 00:01:43,000
♪ From every sight
I've ever seen ♪

36
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:46,137
♪ To the sweetest sound
I've heard ♪

37
00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:48,793
♪ I'd gladly give up
everything ♪

38
00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:52,448
♪ For all the money
that I've earned ♪

39
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:55,551
♪ Cha-ching, cha-ching,
cha-chingaree ♪

40
00:01:58,758 --> 00:01:58,896
♪ There's nothing on earth
like the feeling of greed! ♪

41
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:01,551
♪ There's nothing on earth

42
00:02:04,344 --> 00:02:04,482
♪ Like the feeling of greed!

43
00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:08,379
[ chortling]

44
00:02:10,206 --> 00:02:10,344
Please don't
do that again.

45
00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:12,862
I think the stained-glass
barstool can go over here

46
00:02:15,517 --> 00:02:15,655
and the pseudo hand-carved
wooden sports flag display case

47
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:18,586
can go over there.

48
00:02:19,827 --> 00:02:19,965
Ahoy there,
matey.

49
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:21,413
Can I help
you gentlemen?

50
00:02:22,448 --> 00:02:22,586
Are you the owner?

51
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:23,965
Who wants
to know?

52
00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:25,310
Allow me to introduce myself.

53
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:27,241
Howard Blandy, President,
Blandy Franchising Company.

54
00:02:28,517 --> 00:02:28,655
Howard Blandy!

55
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:30,172
You mean the
Howard Blandy?

56
00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:31,862
The Howard Blandy
that masterminded

57
00:02:33,758 --> 00:02:33,896
the ruthless takeover of every
small, family-owned business

58
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:36,862
in Bikini Bottom?

59
00:02:37,931 --> 00:02:38,034
ThatHoward Blandy?

60
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:40,689
I worship you!

61
00:02:43,344 --> 00:02:43,482
[ sobbing]

62
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:44,965
Get it together
a little, man.

63
00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:46,724
Sorry, it's just that...
you're rich.

64
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:51,206
I'm Mr. Krabs.

65
00:02:53,517 --> 00:02:53,655
To what do I owe
the honor

66
00:02:55,137 --> 00:02:55,275
of having you here,
Howard?

67
00:02:56,931 --> 00:02:57,034
What would it take
to buy the Krusty Krab?

68
00:02:59,034 --> 00:02:59,172
Buy the Krusty Krab?!

69
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:01,068
It's not for sale.

70
00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:02,655
You know,
I may not make as much

71
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:04,448
as your fancy-schmancy
mega restaurant chain,

72
00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:06,827
but it's the blood, sweat
and tears of a hard day's work.

73
00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:10,586
It's not about the...

74
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:11,931
Holy sweet mother of pearl!

75
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:14,448
I like the way you think,
Blandy.

76
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:16,758
But it'll take
a lot more

77
00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:18,310
than a suitcase
full of cash

78
00:03:19,827 --> 00:03:19,965
to buy the Krusty
Krab from me.

79
00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:21,793
Oh, there's
a lot more than that.

80
00:03:23,241 --> 00:03:23,379
The rest is over there.

81
00:03:24,931 --> 00:03:25,034
Jumping King Neptune!

82
00:03:29,655 --> 00:03:29,793
Sold-- give
me my money.

83
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:31,137
First, sign this contract.

84
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:33,103
You relinquish the Krusty Krab
and all ownership thereof

85
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:36,310
along with its employees,
merchandise, logos

86
00:03:38,655 --> 00:03:38,793
and cash registers.

87
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:40,241
I still get the money?Yes.

88
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:41,482
That'll be fine then.

89
00:03:42,517 --> 00:03:42,655
Here you go.

90
00:03:43,965 --> 00:03:44,068
Now, give me,
give me!

91
00:03:44,931 --> 00:03:45,034
Whoo-ha!

92
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:47,103
See you 'round!

93
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:54,172
What's happening?

94
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:56,206
Mr. Krabs!

95
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:58,103
Mr. Krabs, they're putting up
pennants in the Krusty Krab.

96
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:01,620
What's going on?

97
00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:02,724
I'm retiring!

98
00:04:04,206 --> 00:04:04,344
Retiring?

99
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:05,758
I'm free to do whatever I want.

100
00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:08,034
I can learn how to ride
that bicycle I got 30 years ago.

101
00:04:11,275 --> 00:04:11,413
Or go to the new hook museum
downtown.

102
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:14,517
Or ever paint bowls of fruit.

103
00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:17,034
Aren't you
happy for me?

104
00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:18,724
I sure am.

105
00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:20,379
So long, boys!

106
00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:21,586
Have fun, Mr. Krabs.

107
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:26,000
Heaven knows
I won't.

108
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:27,448
Hi, gentlemen.

109
00:04:28,793 --> 00:04:28,931
I'm Carl,
your new manager.

110
00:04:30,413 --> 00:04:30,551
New manager?

111
00:04:32,241 --> 00:04:32,344
I think you'll find
working at the Krabby O'Mondays

112
00:04:34,551 --> 00:04:34,689
to be both a learning experience
and an enjoyable one.

113
00:04:37,655 --> 00:04:37,793
Krabby O'Mondays?

114
00:04:39,482 --> 00:04:39,620
You won't need
these anymore.

115
00:04:41,586 --> 00:04:41,724
Now, here are
your new uniforms

116
00:04:43,103 --> 00:04:43,241
and here are the...

117
00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:44,965
employee manuals.

118
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:47,448
See you
first thing tomorrow.

119
00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:49,034
[ straining]

120
00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:50,793
[ engine sputtering]

121
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:54,241
[ sniffing]

122
00:04:55,482 --> 00:04:55,620
Ah...

123
00:04:57,137 --> 00:04:57,275
The sweet smell
of a brand new day!

124
00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:01,655
First stop, the new hook museum.

125
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:04,103
Then maybe I'll...

126
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:05,448
Hey... the Krabby O'Mondays?

127
00:05:07,275 --> 00:05:07,413
Not the name I would've chosen.

128
00:05:09,551 --> 00:05:09,689
But that's all behind me now.

129
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:14,137
RECORDED VOICE:
The three-pronged J hook
was first sighted in local water

130
00:05:18,034 --> 00:05:18,172
more than one hundred years ago.

131
00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:28,482
Wait a minute...

132
00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:30,379
I hate golf!

133
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:36,965
Well, I've done everything
I wanted to do

134
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:40,448
and it's not even noon.

135
00:05:43,172 --> 00:05:43,310
PEARL:
Did you see the shoes
she had on?

136
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:45,103
So last-year!

137
00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:46,206
[ laughing]

138
00:05:47,655 --> 00:05:47,793
Hold on, Gina.

139
00:05:48,896 --> 00:05:49,000
Yeah, Dad?!

140
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:50,137
How's it going?

141
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,103
Fine.

142
00:05:52,137 --> 00:05:52,275
What're you up to?

143
00:05:53,413 --> 00:05:53,551
I'm talking on the phone!

144
00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:54,620
Oh, really?

145
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:55,620
Really.

146
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:56,551
Oh.

147
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:57,862
Dad, isn't there something

148
00:05:59,034 --> 00:05:59,172
you need to do?!

149
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:00,758
Well, actually
I was hoping

150
00:06:02,310 --> 00:06:02,448
you and I could do
something together.

151
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:03,413
Get out!

152
00:06:04,413 --> 00:06:04,551
That's it, Dad.

153
00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:06,344
Get a job, get a hobby,
or get some friends,

154
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:08,241
because I can't
take it anymore!

155
00:06:10,482 --> 00:06:10,620
[ door slams]

156
00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:12,034
Get some friends, she says.

157
00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:14,827
Find a hobby, she says.

158
00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:16,413
Get a job, she says.

159
00:06:18,413 --> 00:06:18,551
Oh...

160
00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:20,068
"Help Wanted."

161
00:06:21,241 --> 00:06:21,379
Hmm.

162
00:06:25,068 --> 00:06:25,206
[ ragtime jazz playing]

163
00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:29,344
Ahoy there, mateys.

164
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:31,551
Welcome to the Krabby
O'Mondays...

165
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:33,448
It's my birthday.

166
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:34,793
Can I start you off with...

167
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:36,551
Will you sing the Krabby
Monday's birthday song

168
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:38,586
to my special
little man?

169
00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:40,689
Happy,
happy birthday...

170
00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:43,034
Happy, happy...

171
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:44,448
CARL:
Uh, Squidward?

172
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:46,275
Can I talk to you
for a second?

173
00:06:47,896 --> 00:06:48,000
What's our motto here
at Krabby O'Mondays?

174
00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:51,310
"Sincere service
with a smile."

175
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:53,724
Well, yes...

176
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:55,344
but with the Krabby
O'Mondays spirit.

177
00:06:57,275 --> 00:06:57,413
Now, Squidward,
you wouldn't want

178
00:06:59,172 --> 00:06:59,310
to have to talk
to Human Resources...

179
00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:03,965
would you?

180
00:07:05,275 --> 00:07:05,413
So, what's
our motto again?

181
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:07,965
Uh... uh... sincere service...
with a smile.

182
00:07:15,379 --> 00:07:15,517
Now you're getting it.

183
00:07:17,655 --> 00:07:17,793
[ humming happily]

184
00:07:19,379 --> 00:07:19,517
Morning, SpongeBob!

185
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:22,344
Mr. Krabs!

186
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:25,482
What are you
doing here?

187
00:07:27,103 --> 00:07:27,241
Retirement ain't all
it's cracked up to be,

188
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:29,448
so I'm the new busboy.

189
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:30,620
[ whistling]

190
00:07:32,137 --> 00:07:32,275
Uh, okay, son,

191
00:07:34,310 --> 00:07:34,448
you're starting
to creep me out.

192
00:07:36,275 --> 00:07:36,413
I knew you'd come back,
Mr. Krabs,

193
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:38,206
I just knew you would!

194
00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:40,620
Okay, boy, back to work.

195
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:42,137
Aye-aye, sir.

196
00:07:43,448 --> 00:07:43,586
I'm not
your boss anymore.

197
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:44,758
Just call me Eugene.

198
00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:45,931
Aye-aye... Eugene.

199
00:07:47,896 --> 00:07:48,000
[ giggles]

200
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:49,103
Ahoy, Squidward!

201
00:07:50,448 --> 00:07:50,586
Ahoy, Eugene!

202
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:52,344
Would you mind clearing
this table for me?

203
00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:55,068
Sure, Squidward.

204
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:56,724
You know, I've never
seen you so happy.

205
00:07:58,172 --> 00:07:58,310
They're watching us.

206
00:08:01,103 --> 00:08:01,241
That guy's a real
pain in the hindquarters,
hey, Squiddy?

207
00:08:04,241 --> 00:08:04,379
[ laughing]

208
00:08:05,758 --> 00:08:07,862
Uh, Eugene, I think
you need to look

209
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:07,965
at page 20 of our employee
handbook again.

210
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:11,551
Oh, I don't need
Carl's silly rules.

211
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:13,517
I reallythink you should look.

212
00:08:16,551 --> 00:08:16,689
What's this?

213
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:18,000
"Help me."

214
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:20,206
Hey, fellas, what's
going on over here?

215
00:08:22,413 --> 00:08:22,551
Oh, hey, Carl.

216
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:23,965
I was just reminding Eugene

217
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:26,103
of article 24, section three

218
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:28,206
of the employee handbook.

219
00:08:30,413 --> 00:08:30,551
"Cut the chatter
and pick up a platter."

220
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:32,965
Good job, Squidward.

221
00:08:34,551 --> 00:08:34,689
What have you done
with the real Squidward?

222
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:36,793
The less you know, Eugene,
the better.

223
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:40,206
What's going on around here?

224
00:08:42,172 --> 00:08:42,310
Where's SpongeBob?

225
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:55,724
Where's the love?

226
00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:57,655
SpongeBob!

227
00:08:59,103 --> 00:08:59,241
What happened to
the Krabby Patties?

228
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:01,103
I tried to tell them,

229
00:09:02,586 --> 00:09:02,724
but they wouldn't
listen to me!

230
00:09:04,517 --> 00:09:04,655
This is obscene!

231
00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:08,034
Carl!

232
00:09:09,137 --> 00:09:09,275
I need to have a word...

233
00:09:11,206 --> 00:09:11,344
Your change is $1.75.

234
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:14,103
Automated cash register?!

235
00:09:16,275 --> 00:09:16,413
No!

236
00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:19,689
Hey, Carl, what
have you done with
me restaurant?!

237
00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:22,724
Processed Krabby Patties,
computerized registers...

238
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:25,448
Look around you.

239
00:09:26,724 --> 00:09:26,862
Our customers are quite content

240
00:09:28,724 --> 00:09:28,862
with the contrived
and the mediocre.

241
00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:31,000
[ snoring]

242
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:33,137
That's because
they don't know

243
00:09:35,206 --> 00:09:35,344
what they're eating.

244
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:39,517
Excuse me, ma'am,
do you know

245
00:09:41,379 --> 00:09:41,517
what's in that Krabby
Patty you're eating?

246
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:43,758
No.

247
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:45,448
[ screams]

248
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:47,379
See that?

249
00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:49,000
Without all your
smoke and mirrors,

250
00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:50,586
no one would stomach
this garbage.

251
00:09:51,551 --> 00:09:51,689
What'd he say?

252
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:52,689
Garbage?

253
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:57,000
[ all screaming]

254
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:00,172
Eugene, you're in violation
of your contract.

255
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:03,931
Rules!

256
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:05,413
Here's a rule for you:

257
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:07,137
people can't eat stained-glass
barstools!

258
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:11,068
I'll show you automated.

259
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:13,689
Mr. Blandy, code red--
free thinker!

260
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:21,172
Mr. Krabs, is there
a problem here?

261
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:22,965
You better believe it!

262
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:24,793
I used to kiss the ground
you walked on, Blandy,

263
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:27,103
but after seeing this,

264
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:28,965
I wouldn't even spit
in your direction.

265
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:32,310
Krabby Patties are supposed
to be made by hand--

266
00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:34,965
one at a time--

267
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:37,931
not on a conveyer belt!

268
00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:39,862
[ rumbling as siren blares]

269
00:10:44,517 --> 00:10:44,655
Oh, my...

270
00:10:57,827 --> 00:10:57,965
Does this mean I won't get
that raise, sir?

271
00:11:03,551 --> 00:11:03,689
BLANDY:
It's ruined!

272
00:11:05,034 --> 00:11:05,172
We'll have to sell it.

273
00:11:06,689 --> 00:11:06,827
We'll be lucky
if we get a fraction

274
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:08,620
of what we paid for it.

275
00:11:10,482 --> 00:11:10,620
I'll buy it
for full price.

276
00:11:13,275 --> 00:11:13,413
Sold.

277
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:15,068
We won't need
your contract anymore.

278
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:16,448
Nice doing business with you.

279
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:18,482
Pleasure's
all mine.

280
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:20,275
Now get out
of me restaurant.

281
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:22,448
[ laughing]

282
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:23,689
Well, we did it, boys.

283
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:25,275
The Krusty Krab is ours again.

284
00:11:27,413 --> 00:11:27,551
You know, in that fit
of maniacal rage

285
00:11:29,586 --> 00:11:29,724
I may have destroyed
the restaurant,

286
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:31,896
scared away all our customers
and forced us into bankruptcy--

287
00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:35,241
because I returned
nearly every penny

288
00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:37,724
I sold this stink-heap for--

289
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:40,379
but I got back the love
of me dear friends.

290
00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:43,620
Really, Mr. Krabs?

291
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:44,931
No, not really.

292
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:46,689
Get back to work!

293
00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:50,482
[ register jingles]

294
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:05,965
[ snoring]

295
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:08,724
SPONGEBOB:
Oh, Squidward!

296
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:10,931
What do you want, SpongeBob?

297
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:13,379
Time for work, Squidward.

298
00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:15,034
Another day, another dollar.

299
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:16,655
More like another nickel.

300
00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:17,965
[ snickering]

301
00:12:20,275 --> 00:12:20,413
[ laughs annoyingly]

302
00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:22,482
Good one, Squidward!

303
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:23,896
[ laughing]

304
00:12:27,965 --> 00:12:28,068
Another day, another nickel.

305
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:31,103
It's not that funny.

306
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:32,689
That's funny
because it's true.

307
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:34,655
[ SpongeBob laughing
annoyingly]

308
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:38,068
Carpool's over.

309
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:41,793
Nickel.

310
00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:42,896
[ laughs]

311
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:43,965
[ groans]

312
00:12:45,862 --> 00:12:45,965
Here's your food.

313
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:48,206
[ laughs]

314
00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:49,551
It's not that funny!

315
00:12:51,965 --> 00:12:52,068
Please make it stop!

316
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:55,379
[ annoying laugh continues]

317
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:00,206
[ laughter echoing]

318
00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:06,896
[ laughter continues]

319
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,137
Okay, Squidward,
see you tomorrow.

320
00:13:19,896 --> 00:13:20,000
[ annoying laugh trails off
into the distance]

321
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:27,103
And always check
for spare change.

322
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:29,965
[ groans]

323
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:32,000
Another day, another... nickel!

324
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:35,586
Two Krabby Patties.

325
00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:37,172
Thanks, kid.

326
00:13:38,586 --> 00:13:38,724
Another day,
another nickel.

327
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:40,724
[ laughing]

328
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:43,206
Oh.

329
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:44,379
[ all laughing]

330
00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:46,517
Cease your laughing, tormentor!

331
00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:49,586
[ laughing alternates
with cries of pain]

332
00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:00,068
This could be my chance.

333
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:02,931
SpongeBob,
you don't look well.

334
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:06,275
I don't?

335
00:14:07,172 --> 00:14:07,310
No.

336
00:14:08,344 --> 00:14:08,482
You should sit down.

337
00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:09,413
Shh...

338
00:14:10,758 --> 00:14:10,896
You're burning up,
SpongeBob.

339
00:14:12,172 --> 00:14:12,310
I am?

340
00:14:13,344 --> 00:14:13,482
Tell me, SpongeBob,

341
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:14,965
have your
sides been hurting?

342
00:14:16,344 --> 00:14:16,482
Yeah, a little.

343
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:18,137
And your temperature
is 175 degrees!

344
00:14:22,241 --> 00:14:22,379
Is that bad?

345
00:14:23,517 --> 00:14:23,655
Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

346
00:14:25,275 --> 00:14:25,413
unless you've been doing
a lot of... laughing.

347
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:29,586
I have been laughing
a lot lately.

348
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:32,000
[ gasps]

349
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:33,000
SpongeBob,

350
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:34,275
you've got to be careful.

351
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:35,931
You're going to burn
out your laughbox.

352
00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:37,689
My laughbox?

353
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:39,551
Yes, it's the part
of your body

354
00:14:41,034 --> 00:14:41,172
that enables laughter.

355
00:14:42,862 --> 00:14:42,965
If you use it too long
without giving it a break

356
00:14:45,931 --> 00:14:46,034
it burns out
and you can never
laugh again.

357
00:14:50,586 --> 00:14:50,724
Is that what happened
to you, Squidward?

358
00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:52,448
Yes... What? No!

359
00:14:53,965 --> 00:14:54,068
Listen, SpongeBob,
this is serious!

360
00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:56,310
If you burn out
your laughbox,

361
00:14:58,068 --> 00:14:58,206
you'll live
your whole life

362
00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:00,586
without ever
laughing again.

363
00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:03,068
Hey, Patrick, you want
to hear a joke?

364
00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:05,448
Sure, Sandy.

365
00:15:06,827 --> 00:15:06,965
Sure, I'd love
a good laugh.

366
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:09,965
What has four
wheels and flies?

367
00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:12,793
A garbage truck!

368
00:15:14,034 --> 00:15:14,172
[ both laughing]

369
00:15:16,551 --> 00:15:16,689
[ flat, mechanical
laughter]

370
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:20,620
[ laughter dies away]

371
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:25,103
I don't want to burn out
my laughbox, Squidward.

372
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:27,689
Well, the most
important thing
is to stop laughing.

373
00:15:31,517 --> 00:15:31,655
Any laugh at all
could be dangerous.

374
00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:34,206
How long do I have
to avoid laughing?

375
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:36,448
Gosh, SpongeBob,
I'd say

376
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:38,758
at least
the rest of the day,

377
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:40,551
but you better go 24 hours
just to be safe.

378
00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:43,551
Thank you so much,
Squidward.

379
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:45,448
I don't know what
I'd do without you!

380
00:15:47,896 --> 00:15:48,000
A day without laughter
is a small price to pay

381
00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:50,275
to save my laughbox
from destruction.

382
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:52,241
I must remain vigilant.

383
00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:53,517
Nothing funny over there.

384
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:54,896
Nothing funny over here.

385
00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:56,379
PATRICK:
Hey, SpongeBob!

386
00:15:57,586 --> 00:15:57,724
How's it going?

387
00:15:59,344 --> 00:15:59,482
Patrick-- banana peel-- don't!

388
00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:01,655
What did you say...

389
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:02,827
[ screaming]

390
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:03,827
Oh, no...

391
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:04,965
Hey, what the...

392
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:06,896
Wait a minute, Patrick!

393
00:16:08,586 --> 00:16:08,724
Please stop!

394
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:09,931
Right foot first...

395
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:11,448
Wait, Patrick,
I can't laugh.

396
00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:12,517
You can't?

397
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:13,758
Oh, I know what to do.

398
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:18,241
That usually knocks him out.

399
00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:23,655
[ panting]

400
00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:25,275
Get a grip on yourself,
SpongeBob.

401
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:27,310
You're in control.

402
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:29,758
[ sputtering]

403
00:16:32,655 --> 00:16:32,793
Just back away from
the whoopie cushion, SpongeBob.

404
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:34,965
[ sputtering]

405
00:16:35,931 --> 00:16:36,034
[ gasps]

406
00:16:37,103 --> 00:16:37,241
They're everywhere!

407
00:16:38,172 --> 00:16:38,310
Everywhere!

408
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:41,448
Look out for
that pie truck!

409
00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:42,896
[ screaming]

410
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:49,689
[ tittering]

411
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:53,827
I've got to get out of here!

412
00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:55,931
[ cushions sputtering]

413
00:17:03,137 --> 00:17:03,275
There's nothing funny up here.

414
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:05,275
But just to be safe...

415
00:17:12,034 --> 00:17:12,172
[ crowing]

416
00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:13,896
Ah, I made it 24 hours
without laughing.

417
00:17:17,241 --> 00:17:17,379
[ exhales]

418
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:19,275
That's odd.

419
00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:20,413
[ exhales]

420
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:21,689
I've lost my laugh.

421
00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:23,689
[ screaming]

422
00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:25,241
I've lost my laugh!

423
00:17:26,275 --> 00:17:26,413
[ screaming]

424
00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:29,724
Hi, SpongeBob.

425
00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:30,965
It's terrible, Patrick--

426
00:17:32,482 --> 00:17:32,620
I can't laugh anymore.

427
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:34,068
What happened?

428
00:17:35,551 --> 00:17:35,689
I went a whole day
without laughing

429
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:37,103
and now my laugh is gone.

430
00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:38,655
Let me take a look.

431
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:40,655
Hmm... it's dark
in here.

432
00:17:42,655 --> 00:17:42,793
I'd better light
a match.

433
00:17:45,758 --> 00:17:45,896
[ coughing]

434
00:17:47,758 --> 00:17:47,896
[ screaming]

435
00:17:54,103 --> 00:17:54,241
[ knock at door]

436
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:55,448
Come in.

437
00:17:56,551 --> 00:17:56,689
[ sniffling]

438
00:17:58,758 --> 00:17:58,896
Mr. Krabs?

439
00:17:59,931 --> 00:18:00,103
What's wrong, boy?

440
00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:01,206
I lost my laugh.

441
00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:03,931
You've come to
the right place, son.

442
00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:06,068
You know, there's one thing
that always makes me laugh.

443
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:10,896
[ chortling]

444
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:13,689
Don't it just
tickle you, boy?

445
00:18:15,413 --> 00:18:15,551
Not really.

446
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:17,137
This calls for
drastic measures.

447
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,103
I don't usually
do this,

448
00:18:20,379 --> 00:18:20,517
but you seem
desperate.

449
00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:21,931
Touch it.

450
00:18:26,241 --> 00:18:26,379
Nothing.

451
00:18:27,862 --> 00:18:27,965
Oh, this is worse
than I thought.

452
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:29,793
After all, money is the ultimate
source of joy.

453
00:18:31,827 --> 00:18:31,965
Maybe I should ask Sandy.

454
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:33,931
She's a scientist.

455
00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:36,206
SANDY:
Oh, it's easy if you approach it
scientifically, SpongeBob.

456
00:18:39,689 --> 00:18:39,827
Now, what is laughter?

457
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:41,827
The thing that used to give
my life meaning and purpose

458
00:18:44,965 --> 00:18:45,068
but now mocks me
with its cruel indifference.

459
00:18:48,137 --> 00:18:48,275
Scientifically,
it's caused by

460
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:50,068
your epiglottis
constricting your larynx,

461
00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:52,482
causing irregular air intake
and respiratory upset.

462
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:54,758
Sounds painful.

463
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:56,379
Science makes everything
sound painful.

464
00:18:58,655 --> 00:18:58,793
Now, here's some
humor-theory textbooks,

465
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:01,413
laugh mechanics
and the quantum
giggle theory.

466
00:19:03,793 --> 00:19:03,931
Thank you, Sandy.

467
00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:07,620
Sure is peaceful around here

468
00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:09,758
since SquarePants
became a sad sack.

469
00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:12,241
I've read all the books,
and still nothing.

470
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,137
I guess I'll never laugh again.

471
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:18,689
[ moaning]

472
00:19:26,655 --> 00:19:26,793
I really hate to see
the little guy so sad,

473
00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:30,172
but not as much as I hate
to see him happy.

474
00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:37,275
[ SpongeBob wailing]

475
00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:42,931
I think I found the one thing
I hate more than his laugh.

476
00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:47,413
I'm sure
he'll cry himself out soon.

477
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:51,068
[ sobbing]

478
00:19:58,241 --> 00:19:58,379
What have I done?

479
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:06,551
Oh, that's it.

480
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:08,137
This charade has to end!

481
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:21,137
Hi, Squidward.

482
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:23,310
SpongeBob, this infernal crying
has to stop!

483
00:20:26,379 --> 00:20:26,517
But Squidward, I...
I broke my laughbox!

484
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:30,000
[ sobbing]

485
00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:32,965
SpongeBob, there's
no such thing
as a laughbox!

486
00:20:36,379 --> 00:20:36,517
I made
the whole thing up

487
00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:38,448
to get some peace from
your insipid laughter!

488
00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:41,965
You mean my laughbox
isn't broken?

489
00:20:44,172 --> 00:20:44,310
And it was a cruel lie

490
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:46,000
that sent me
into spiraling depression?

491
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:47,862
Uh... yeah, well,
it sounds pretty harsh

492
00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:50,689
when you put it
that way, but... yeah.

493
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:53,034
I could laugh the whole time?

494
00:20:55,551 --> 00:20:55,689
Yeah.

495
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:57,413
[ annoying laugh returns]

496
00:20:59,620 --> 00:20:59,758
[ joins in raucous laughter]

497
00:21:02,965 --> 00:21:03,068
You really fell for it!

498
00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:06,896
I guess I did.

499
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:12,068
You even fell
for the old

500
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:13,758
thermometer-in-
the-boiling-oil routine!

501
00:21:16,586 --> 00:21:16,724
[ screeching
with laughter]

502
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:18,724
It's not really
that funny, Squidward.

503
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:20,758
It's hilarious!

504
00:21:23,034 --> 00:21:23,172
See you later,
Squidward.

505
00:21:24,689 --> 00:21:24,827
[ laughing wildly]

506
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:28,551
Break your laughbox!

507
00:21:31,448 --> 00:21:31,586
What a schlemiel!

508
00:21:33,655 --> 00:21:33,793
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

509
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:35,724
[ gagging]

510
00:21:41,586 --> 00:21:41,724
[ siren wails]

511
00:21:47,758 --> 00:21:47,896
Look, he's
waking up.

512
00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:49,758
Oh... where am I?

513
00:21:51,689 --> 00:21:51,827
You're in
the hospital, silly.

514
00:21:53,206 --> 00:21:53,344
You broke your laughbox.

515
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:55,068
The doctor said it was
the most tiny, dried out,

516
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:57,068
underused laughbox
he'd ever laid eyes on.

517
00:21:59,241 --> 00:21:59,379
So they cut it out.

518
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:00,724
Cut it out?

519
00:22:01,896 --> 00:22:02,000
Yeah! Want to see it?

520
00:22:03,344 --> 00:22:03,482
It's fun
to shake it up

521
00:22:04,862 --> 00:22:04,965
and watch it
bounce around.

522
00:22:06,344 --> 00:22:06,482
Oh, give me!

523
00:22:07,689 --> 00:22:07,827
Oh, I can never laugh again?

524
00:22:10,758 --> 00:22:10,896
Nonsense-- your laugh should be
stronger than ever.

525
00:22:13,655 --> 00:22:13,793
But you cut out
my laughbox.

526
00:22:16,137 --> 00:22:16,275
Yes, but one of your friends
has generously allowed us

527
00:22:19,310 --> 00:22:19,448
to transplant part of theirs
to you.

528
00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:22,413
Nope.

529
00:22:23,517 --> 00:22:23,655
They wouldn't pay me.

530
00:22:25,068 --> 00:22:25,206
You're getting warmer.

531
00:22:28,689 --> 00:22:28,827
SpongeBob?

532
00:22:30,241 --> 00:22:30,379
[ annoying laugh]

533
00:22:31,793 --> 00:22:31,931
Hey, you laugh
just like me!

534
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:35,241
[ both laughing]

535
00:22:47,448 --> 00:22:47,586
Oh, there he goes, off to share
his laughter with the world.

536
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:51,137
[ laughs]

537
00:22:55,586 --> 00:22:55,724
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org